Using Questions in Mentoring Relationships

Using Questions in Mentoring Relationships

Recently, Connect Magazine published an article about using questions in mentoring relationships by Dr. Barry Sweeny. In his article, Dr. Sweeny talks about “high impact” questions which are used to help mentee’s grow and learn. The high impact question, according to Sweeny, “involves a response that demonstrates higher level, critical thinking, such as revealed by the verbs, compare, contrast, analyze, differentiate, or even evaluate or synthesize. Mentors KNOW they have asked a ‘high impact question’ when there is a pause and then the protégé answers, ‘I’m going to have to THINK about that a bit before I can answer it.’”

Asking your Mentee to analyze or evaluate something they have done in a CareerPassport Track Activity, or in their school work, or extra curricular activities will help them to use critical thinking skills, and if used often enough, your Mentee will expect you to use this type of question often, and thus they will start to think more critically about what they’re doing with their college education.

Another thing Dr. Sweeny talks about is the power of personal pronouns. If you use “We” or “Our” instead of “You” or “Your”, it completely changes the question and can bring about a different result. Look at the following questions Dr. Sweeny uses to see the difference between using “We” or “Our” verses “You” and “Your.”

·        What result do you want to achieve that would be the “best case scenario”?

•     What could you do that could lead to the best case?

•     What problems might occur for you that would prevent achieving the best result?

•     What can you do that might avoid problems or obstacles?

•     Are there any other alternative routes you could take to that same best case result?

•     Which of your alternatives is most likely to lead to that result?

•     How will you start the process?

“Although it seems so subtle, there is a powerful effect in using the pronoun ‘you’ this way. Here’s what it accomplishes:

• The ‘you’ assumes the protégé can figure out the problem and what would be the best solution (with the mentor’s questions as a guide).

• The ‘you’ keeps the ownership of the problem and the responsibility for that decision making and solution finding with the protégé.

• It allows the mentor to ask the kind of open-ended questions that the mentor knows a more experienced person would ask themselves. Done a number of times with different problems, the protégé will begin to anticipate the questions to be addressed. This shows that the protégé is starting to internalize those questions and learning to think that way as well, which is the goal.”

Now if you were to look at these same questions, using the pronouns “We” or “Our” instead of “You” or “Your” it changes the intent and purpose of the question. According to Dr. Sweeny,

“If the mentor is concerned that the protégé lacks sufficient experience to know some of the answers and can NOT analyze and solve the problem alone, what should the mentor do that is most helpful? The answer is that the mentor should change the personal pronouns in the questions from ‘you’, which excludes the mentor from participating in answering the questions, to more inclusive pronouns like ‘we’, ‘our’, and ‘us.’ Switching to inclusive personal pronouns has the effect of including the mentor in the ownership of the problem, and it keeps the mentor in the thinking, and decision making process. The net result of including the mentor in the process is that it allows the mentor to let the protégé do as much as possible, but… It also allows the mentor to reflect and wonder about things out loud and, thereby to model expert thinking and choice making, all of which would be invisible to the protégé unless the mentor is part of the process, ‘unpacking his or her own thinking.’”

Make sure to read the full article on Connect Magazine's website and learn how to use questions effectively in your mentoring relationship. Asking questions in the beginning of the mentoring relationship can be very effective in determining where you and your Mentee want to go in your Relationship.

References: Sweeny, Barry Dr. “Using Questioning in Mentoring Relationships.” Connect Magazine. N.p., 10 2013. Web 25 Sept. 2013 http://library.constantcontact.com/download/get/file/1108653809372-16/CONNECT+Volume+1.pdf.

Goal Evaluation

Evaluating your Mentee’s Goals

Now that it’s getting closer towards the end of your mentoring relationship, it may be a good time to evaluate how you and your mentee are doing on your goals. In the beginning of the mentoring relationship, you and your mentee wrote down three goals that you’d like to accomplish during your six months together. During your next mentoring session, try to go over those 3 goals again, and evaluate how you are doing.

Mentee Goals

The Mentoring Group recently published an article, Mentee Goals Revisited by Dr. Linda Phillips-Jones, where she discussed 5 common mistakes that are made when formulating mentee goals. Check to see if your mentee's goals fall under any of these categories.

1. Mentees avoid goals altogether - If your mentee has not yet filled out The Goal Setting Worksheet, it’s not too late. Download The Sheet, and during your next mentoring session help them set some short term goals that can be accomplished before the "Ending Celebration" in October.

2. Goals are too large or ambitious - Although we don’t want to discourage students from dreaming big, it might be helpful for you to show your mentee the smaller goals they will need to achieve first before they can accomplish the big ones.

3. Goals are too limited or boring - Sometimes students will set goals that don’t stretch themselves enough, they set goals they know they can achieve easily so that they can say that they’ve done it. Often, students don’t know what kinds of goals to set, so the goals they end up writing turn out boring, and don’t relate to the CareerPassport Program. Help your mentee set those goals that will really stretch and motivate them by checking out The Goal Setting Tips Sheet.

4. Few relationships measure progress toward goals - It’s important to hold your mentee accountable for their goals, you both wrote and agreed to them, now is the time to measure the progress that has been made, and then determine what else can be done before the Ending Celebration.

5. Pairs spend too much time choosing and then wordsmithing goals - Agreeing on a set of 3 goals should not be a difficult thing. If you find you’re spending too much time writing your goals together, then you’re working too hard. Goals should be solidified and agreed upon before the start of your first mentoring session together.

There are two pieces of advice that Dr. Phillips-Jones gives to help with evaluating and setting goals.

      1. Set SMART Goals - You may be familiar with this acronym, but goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and tangible are goals that work well. Having a SMART goal will also ensure that your mentee can get the most out of their mentoring relationship.

       2. Start Somewhere - You can always edit, adjust, and fine tune your goals throughout your mentoring relationship. The most important thing is to start somewhere. Maybe you’ve set tentative goals, but they need some editing, now is the time for that. With only 2 or 3 more mentoring sessions left, discover with your mentee where you are, and what further work is needed to get you and your mentee where you want to go.

 

      Check out the full article.
 
References: Phillip-Jones, Linda Dr. "Mentee Goals Revisited." The Mentoring Group. N.p., 06 2010. Web. 17 Jul. 2013.< http://www.mentoringgroup.com/html/articles/idea_36.htm>.

The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Mentors

In correlation to Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, recently Rene D. Petrin of Management Mentors wrote an article, Corporate Mentoring Tips: 7 Habits of Highly Successful Mentors & Mentorees. As you mentor UVU students, think about these seven habits to help you develop and strengthen your mentoring relationship.

1.      Active Listeners - Active listening requires real energy and focus. Active listeners give non-verbal cues that they are listening, take notes, repeat back what they’ve heard to ensure understanding, and ask thoughtful questions. Being an active listener will show your mentee that you really care about them and their success.

2.      Dedicated to Their Success - As a mentor, being dedicated to your own success shows that you really understand the mentoring model and that if done properly, it can provide successes for both your mentee and yourself.

3.      Dedicated to Others Successes - Along with the desire for your own success, powerful mentors can see how their role affects the bigger picture. If you really understand that when you help your mentee to be successful, they in turn will play a role in making their own team successful, then you'll realize that in your own way you are starting the chain of a powerful "paying it forward" model.

4.      Curious - Being a mentor requires you to figure things out and make it work. If your mentee comes to you with a problem, a curious person will think, “how can I make this work?” It is important to be curious and to have the desire to find a way to make things happen.

5.      Engaged with Their Surroundings - A powerful mentor can see their piece in the bigger picture. They can visualize how they can play a role in their mentee’s success and beyond. Having this big picture view of the world can help you to see that there is more than just the two of you in the mentoring relationship.

6.      Willing to Step out of Their Comfort Zones - There may be timeswhen you’ll have to tell yourself to just give it a go. Your mentee may come to you with a problem or idea that you’re not comfortable with at first, but if you are able to step out of your comfort zone you’ll be able to think outside of your own box and figure out a way to help your mentee.

7.      The 3 R’s: Responsible, Respectful & Ready - Aside from imparting your wisdom to your mentee you are also serving as a role model. The more responsible, respectful, and ready you act, the more your mentee will reciprocate towards you. They will not only learn from your experience, but they will also learn what it means to act as a professional.

Each of these habits is a continual learning process. You may be excellent in some, and need improvement in others. As you work with your mentee you may find that you are developing these habits without realizing it. We are very appreciative for what you are doing for our students and our program. Thank you for being a mentor. 

References:  Petrin, Rene. "Corporate Mentoring Tips: 7 Habits of Highly Successful Mentors & Mentorees." Management Mentors. N.p., 06 2010. Web. 3 Jul. 2013. http://www.management-mentors.com/resources/june-2010-mentor-mentoree-habits/.